Stop Forcing It: You'll realize who your people (aka tribe, besties, soulmates) are, just listen

I am all about vibes and energy. I love deep, profound talks, especially on why some things work and some things don’t. If we’re really vibing, I will likely ask you your sign because I’ve noticed patterns in astrology. Is it a coincidence that many of my best friends are Aries? Probably not; it’s one of the signs I’m most compatible. Seriously, look into the signs of those closest to you? Do you notice a pattern, too?

One thing I’ve noticed about myself, is that I have sometimes pushed for relationships/friendships, even when I knew we weren’t in sync or that something was off. I always try to see the good in people and have a propensity for wanting to help others, even when it’s to my detriment (I’ve gotten better at identifying this and nipping it in the bud, I think, I hope.), and have come to realize that you have to let these people go for the sake of your health/sanity. Before, I looked at letting them go as a failure, which is why I would hang on to it and try to make it work, but I am slowly and truly understanding that you simply can’t change people. You either love them for who they are or you say: “I can’t accept this behavior” and move on.

A couple of instances further solidified this theory of mine.

Friendships

A few weeks ago, I met up with a “potential friend.” We’d been introduced via social media years ago and hadn’t really talked since, but I recently thought, She might be someone I’d get along with; I should reach out. We met for drinks and clicked instantly. We had tons in common, the conversation was easy --likely because we’ve had a similar journey-- and I left feeling energized and happy with our connection.

Right after that, I met with another “potential friend,” and this interaction was the complete opposite. I felt as though I was not understood, that I had to jump through hoops to get my point across. I was uncomfortable. I left feeling as though my energy was completely depleted. It was miserable. (This was not our first interaction, I felt the same way the last time we met and this just validated my previous thoughts.)

Now for relationships...

In the past, I’ve been in relationships where I’ve killed myself trying to explain my rationale. It’s exhausting trying to convince someone of something that “my people,” so easily see. For what? Why?

I just got into a relationship and though we’re in the very early stages of it, I realize it is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. It has been so easy and healthy (who knew the latter existed!? LOL. Kidding, but not really.) and I think it’s because we’re so similar (especially our background; values; humor, outlook on life, love...all of the big-picture things). I don’t feel depleted or like I’m trying to prove anything to him. I am myself and am accepted wholeheartedly, and I don’t feel like we have to really explain anything to one another in exhausting-depth because we just get each other.

I’ve always said that the best feeling in the world is when someone just gets you. It doesn't happen often, so when it does, it’s magic.

So, the next time you’re really struggling with a relationship/friendship, ask yourself this question: Is this person bringing out the best in me? If not, maybe it’s time to reconsider the role they play in your life. This year, I only want those in my life who want to reciprocate the love and light I am so happy to give. It’s time to let go of the good-energy suckers.